Traveling again at thirty

Helloooooo! Back on the road, things feeling different for the moment, but wanted to start writing again. This post isn’t so much about my travels, but what’s on my mind… Also, I started this post a month ago, and am just now finishing it, so the timing may sound off… 🙂

Since my last trip ended, I have been itching to get back out to see the world. After 2 years of being at home, and turning 30, I’ve felt a gradual realization that I may be losing my younger years, losing the desire to get out on my own and discover. Thirty isn’t old by any means, but I think leading up to the third century of my life has been eye opening and I’ve noticed a shift in priorities and desires. I start to notice changes in my physical health and stamina, changes in overall energy/drive and changes in short and long-term goals. Some of these changes are temporal, and situational, but it’s these stepping stones that shape our paths.  I still have deep-rooted goals and sense of self, but there are strings pulling between younger me and older me; between balls-to-the-wall Steven and ass-on-the-couch Steven. Change is a good thing, and I am excited for what is around the corner, but I still feel like there is a chapter before this one that hasn’t been finished.

Vague philosophy rants not your thing? Stop reading now 😉

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I’m reading a book right now, “Modern Romance” by Aziz Ansari. I’m paraphrasing here, but it’s a good take on how people are dating in today’s modern world, and how technology has shifted our priorities, our life goals, and even our stubbornness/pickiness of a partner. For our parents/grandparents things were much more constrained, romantically speaking. Two generations ago, most people met within their hometowns, many in high school, married early, had kids and got on with their lives, happily more often than not. Today, we have so many ways of meeting one-another, it’s shifted 21st century kids to being a bit more picky about who/what they want. We have that luxury, with the internet, online dating, speed dating, and swiping away on Tinder. Around 1950, the average age of marriage was around 20-23.  Today the average age kids get hitched is 27-30. People are taking their time, at least the majority. Some of us aren’t though – I open up Facebook on any given day, and I can usually find a photo of some high school friend happily married, with a kid staring into the camera like, “you know you want one of me.” (and I do…) But there are others that are posting pictures of their happily-single adventures/escapades – traversing mountains, abseiling down them, and smiling into the camera like “you know you want to be doing this right now.” Those pictures you usually “like” and then scroll quickly past like, “I don’t wanna know how much fun I’m not having… I’m scrolling through Facebook looking at cat videos and they’re doing that?” Okay, maybe I’m posting those pictures too, but hey, you subscribed, right?

We all want happiness, we’re all in search of it, some in different ways than others. We all have our goals in life, and for most of us, that includes a significant other. But there are some bucket-list boxes we want to tick off before we get to that one. Boxes that are easier checked when single, or for which being single is a prerequisite. But I think that there will always be those boxes to check, always something that makes you question if you’re really ready to settle down.

Traveling solo has been one of those boxes for me. I did it once, and it didn’t seem like I got my fill.  It was a great three months, and I discovered a lot about myself, the world, and all the different kinds of people I met. It’s easier to form your own perspective when you’re exposed to so many alternative ones. I was starting to lose direction at home, and

I knew I had to make traveling happen again this year, and had been vaguely planning to go since last October, putting it off months at a time. Until one day in January I finally bought a ticket.

I thought it was a good move since things at home weren’t that great, with my Grandpa passing away and other friend/relationship drama, but things got even more unfavorable, and by the time my flight took off, I was too caught up in everything that I couldn’t quite get excited about where I was flying to. But I knew it would be good to get away and have some time to reflect on things. Today is my sixth day in Hanoi, Vietnam, and I haven’t quite felt like exploring further yet. I’ve taken the opportunity to just be here and take whatever time I need to settle in. The food is great, the people are nice, and there is a cute little lake I’m close to that I can go to read, write, walk/run, and sit and have a delicious Vietnamese coffee.

So, here I sit, thinking about life, the world, and all it has to offer. What I want, what I need, what I feel. I’ve always tried to be more self-less at heart, and as of late I’ve realized that, although I love the joy it brings me to do unto others, that sometimes I need to be more selfish and really listen to what I want; to have my own opinion, my own feelings, and to voice them. But what I want has never came easily to me. I’m very analytical by nature and it’s hard to listen to my heart, listen to my gut and just go for it without a reasonable explanation/reason for it.

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So… fast-forward one month and now I’m in the Philippines! heh… So much has happened but clearly I took a month to forget about my worries and live a little, be a bit selfish and try to listen to my own desires/needs and just travel. See the Instagram feed to the right for the photos update.

I’ll try to fill in the gaps a bit later about the actual traveling, but for now, what’s on my mind…

I met two French dudes in Cebu City, Philippines. The one I approached was alone at the bar at the time and spoke broken english, but we were still able to have a great conversation about their trip so far.  They basically told me everything I have to do in the Philippines, and the places not worth going. This is exactly why when I travel I go into it without a plan. No plan is the best plan.

He was 40, and had wanted to do this trip for ages. It made me happy to hear how excited he was about it. Then we started talking about wives, girlfriends etc. and even though it was hard to communicate, I felt like I understood him. He was forty, had had a number of girlfriends over the years, but none of them were quite right for “wife” material. But he was still content. He knew he didn’t have to rush into anything, or search frantically for the right one. He took his fate at face value, and he did say once, “maybe I am destined to be single” but he still said it with a smile on his face, and a laugh afterwards. He’s like (paraphrased), “don’t worry man, you’re 30, I’m 40, gimme a break”

Another thing to note, while on the subject. Being in the Philippines for a few days, whenever I talk more intimately with any of the locals, the questions they ask first are usually:

1. Where are you from? (If they don’t recognize I’m American I appreciate it)
2. Oh. Do you have a Filipino wife here? (No.)
3. Do you have a Filipino girlfriend you are visiting? (No.)
4. So you are single? And traveling alone? (Yep.)
5. [confusion]

No intention meant by this, though they do make it feel a bit like walking into a jewelry store without a girlfriend… It is true, a LOT of westerners will come here to pick up a Filipino girlfriend and marry her. I don’t quite know why it’s so common, but I’m sure it’s a “both parties benefit from the situation” type of deal, if you know what I mean…

The gecko next to me right now is saying hi by the way. “Ge-ko” is actually the sound they make for those of you that don’t know.

Alright. So. Conclusions. Do what feels right. Nothing is ever THE right thing to do, with all options considered. Listen to you gut, but your heart too. Decisions are complicated, and hard. But you can make them less complicated by making those instinctive decisions that come to you first. There is a book written on it by Malcom Gladwell, “Blink”, among others, which outlines how sometimes our brain will make split-second decisions for us without us even consciously realizing it. You breathe because your brain figured out how to do that a long time ago and you don’t really need to be aware of every inhale/exhale. Though I will say it is quite advantageous to periodically consciously go back to being aware of your breath, and putting intention into it.

Okay, maybe these conclusions aren’t very cohesive with what I’ve been writing about, but the point is nobody knows how to live life, nobody knows the secret to happiness. Life wouldn’t be exciting if we did. We need those downs as much as we need those ups (I read an article about how expressing all your emotions are important). Traveling puts you on quite the roller coaster of ups and downs, and it’s through them that we discover things. It’s always interesting to me how I never quite feel like an adult. I do, but then the next corner hits me and wait what? I thought I had it all figured out and now I feel like a child again… learning something new about myself, about life. A different kind of revolutionary discovery compared to object permanence or the like, but it feels good to discover.

So, with that, I’m going to go out and discover. Maybe go embrace a brief balls-to-the wall Steven (three drinks tonight maybe??) followed by an ass-on-the couch Steven and be happy with it. This is a beautiful life, a beautiful world and they both deserve proper appreciation.